myopic

So many thoughts going through my mind right now

I'm kind of sad how i'm not following my own advice to be more positive. See the irony.
I think I need to start reading again. I read so little, and it makes me sad.
I use to read several books in a week and would derive so much happiness from it.
I feel so empty now that I've (somewhat) stopped reading.
I remember as a child, I would always be soooo wide-eyed when I'm reading picture books.
And as I grow older, novels. Now I'm just like meh, I have no time to read. And I still have loads of books that I bought which are unread.
I probably read a few pages every week, which is real bad.
I really need to be less preoccupied with things that do not matter as much and really learn to appreciate the finer things in life.
I need to make it a point to be less bitter about things and more accepting towards other things.
Something happened today really struck me.
So I was on the bus with chloe today, and i was on the Mercedes 101 bus. We were sitting on the 2 awkward seats with 2 other seats facing us. So this little boy comes up and runs to me. I was like O_O
Then he started to peel the emergency exit sticker beside me. My legs were stuck because he was leaning on me. I was confused la, cause I didn't want to hurt the boy by moving my legs and I was quite shocked. Then the father came and said that the boy is autistic. My heart broke when I heard there. I just relaxed myself and acted as if nothing happened and continue my conversation with Chloe. But at that time, there were a lot of things on mind. I felt ashamed that I was complaining about so much shit in my life about being unlucky and poor and everything, when I'm really blessed. I thought about the son, how he did not choose to be like this. Yet his innocence would not cause that much agony in him as he does not know about his own condition. I thought more about the father, how painful it must have been for him to know the truth.
And the courage that he requires to accept his own son and not hold any negative thoughts about his son every single moment.
I really need to reflect on my life. I think people tend to perceive themselves differently. I always thought that I'm this helpful, compassionate person (ok kind of ugh i know).
But I realised that I don't put much effort in really doing things that reflect this.
Instead, I do the opposite some times. It's only when things happen that causes me to open up my eyes and reflect. And I realise that it is often temporary. I'll probably revert back to my selfish self.(uh.)
I really need time to think, to reflect and to read.
I guess I'll keep reading The Secret until I really truly get it and live through it.