something greater

yes, finally a positive day.
Finished my monologue+duologue.
So happy that I improved.
Mr B commented I'm becoming more comfortable in my own skin.
I am really starting to be more confident and more 'in the moment' as an actor. :D
I want to do well for A levels, and make my parents proud :D


And before I walked out of school today, Ms Ng stopped me to tell me that she wants me to be a CLIC facilitator.
It was really surprising, because I didn't participate in CLIC (actually I really wanted to :( ).
I was so flattered la!!! And it really boosted my mood, especially after a shithole of a week.
But ugh, I will be having TSD exams then, so I can't make it as a CLIC facilitator, as much as I want to. Maybe God will find some way to open another door for me.

Anyhow, I'm already feeling good about getting such an acknowledgement.
I think being someone with few skills, I've started to become immune to taunts and people looking down on me.
Praises/acknowledgements really make me feel so much better as a person.
I always feel that I try so hard and the only shit I can do is study.
I know a lot of people want to have the discipline to study, but then being in VJC, everyone can study as well.
So basically, I can't do any shit.

But I'm really working hard to find out what I like.

I really hope I can open the concept store I want to open, and open branches overseas. And then have a chain of stores specialising in different things. I think I really just want to be a part of everything.
Growing up, I realised that my dreams and hopes aren't that graspable. It's dangerous in a way, because I'm merely hoping for something which is quite vague, like being successful. But, I guess in a way, it's making me happier when I make progress.

Can't wait for orientation. It's going to be a blast. :)

enough tears for the week

I feel real terrible.

This week has been the worst week. I feel as if every week is becoming worse. Is it really pessimism or just truth?

I wanted to become happier during this OG outing. And shit just has to happen.
:'( I was not mentally right for this week. And I think it really affected me physically.
Realised that for the past year, I've been lepaking at home for weekend, thinking it's boring.
This year, I've been out every weekend, and it is really taking a toll on me.
Orientation starts on Friday and I really don't want it to end. At least out of so much negativity, positive things are happening.
But then again, the negative things seem to appear due to the increased positivity in my life.
I am extremely thankful for the friends I have in life, who stand by me.
Thank you Melody, Rachael for being such great listeners.
Thank you my dearest OG mates for taking care of me :)
I thank people who have been caring for me, albeit in smaller ways.
Just a simple message or card really warms my days, and it keeps me going.
And I guess that is the reason why I love making cards, because I believe they will have the same effect on people. Yes, it may be foolish to think like this, but why not make the effort when you can?

I really look forward to this year and I believe it will be better. I wouldn't want to say nothing would be as bad as this week though.

ache

It really hurts when people do not take you seriously.

It can be unintentional. But you can't help but think, am i really that invisible?

It's not their fault for making comments like this, but I am so sick and tired of being unconsciously neglected.

Someone can make a comment about being worried about a certain person because of some reason, but for that same reason, I may be in a dangerous situation as well.

But it doesn't get through. I can't stand being just the 'next' person.

I feel terrible everyday. I feel so aimless and all sometimes. Everyday, I'm being haunted by all these regrets thrown at me. And I just keep blaming myself and I can't stop.

Can people just stop assuming things?

truth

just came back from a run! it was greattt! only 8 rounds the track, but the fact that i did not stop is a new achievement! :) walked about 2.5km home hahaa joke.

didn't go for lit lecture today cos i wanted to chiong orientation stuff. IT WAS SUPER JOKE.

what happened was that kai and i were just like chilling, then i saw that trinisha and melody whatsapped me. trinisha was like lit test and like had her spelling errors lol and melody was like we have a lit test?!!??!?! and i appreciated the fact that they smsed me quickly with the dying reception in the LT. 

kai and i were like fuck we are screwed. and i was like shit i am super lucky this is my first time ponning lit lecture srsly. and then i was like praying and all. 

THEN A MIRACLE HAPPENED. NO SHIT. 

the test was supposed to be an hour long, but the trolls of the lit department stopped them after 15mins for a reflection. WADDAFUCK RIGHT. I WAS LIKE CRAP I DON'T WANT PON ANYMORE LIAO MY HEART IS TOO WEAK FOR THIS.

anyway, besides this troll incident, this year has been great so far. couple of shocking things happened.

i guess you can't expect yourself to always meet the same kind of people.

i've met people so sweet and dear, and also people who are extremely dense.

i guess out of all the people you meet, there's bound to be someone who isn't that nice.

i don't know la, but everytime i make a friend, i would make sure that the relationship lasts. 

and i thought most people do.

normally, I assume that and try to be nice to people.

i really do try to be genuine, especially this few years. in the past, i'm like the super bochap one.

but now, i place more importance on people. because i realise that people care!!!

so anyway, i actually wanted to write a lot of things but my mind just trailed off. oop.

i'm starting to become more hardworking la, or so i think. BUT REALLLY, i think this year is going to be a good year! :D

schoolz

OKAY HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!

:D It's going to be great! I'm going to school tomorrow x_x But it's OGL camp =D

2012 was crazy. I had so many experiences! I performed in public for the first time. 

I learnt how to rollerblade(still failing) and swim(somehow) and went overseas without my parents.

I saved so much money lol and went to my first music festival and all!

It was really a year of experiences. Now that I think about it, it seems so fast yet overwhelming.

2013 is going to major stress, more than 2011. A levels YO. But at the same time, my first prom!

I hope I'll be able to ace A levels. I hope for a lot of distinctions heh! And for me to finally know what I'm going to do in life lol.

I hope I'll get my Iphone next year hur as well as my harp hurhur.

I also hope to start a lifestyle blog *ahem melody*. Actually I do have one now but it's pretty dead lol.

http://themarmaladepress.blogspot.sg/

OK, so I guess that's all. Not very clear-minded now because it doesn't really feel like a new year to me!

That's what happens when you get so busy in the month of December. It's actually my first time experiencing something like this. Instead of fear and insecurity, I feel familiarity.